Mark’s Triumphant Arrival

When my autistic son was young, the phrase that made me cringe the most was “He has a long way to go.” It usually came from someone who meant well, and it usually followed the phrase “Wow! Mark has made a lot of progress, but …”

This phrase sets kids and parents up for failure because not all adult children will arrive where people think they should, and it suggests that where they will land lacks dignity or accomplishment.

My kids could not be more different.

For one, everything came easily. Truly. Everything. Even subjects and activities she did not want to pursue.

For the other, everything was hard. Truly. Everything. Even things he did want to pursue.

Privilege in parenting means not having to think about whether your child will ever have a conversation or a friend or go to a typical school.

Privilege in parenting means your child will live independently and choose a vocation, a college, or a spouse and start a family.

Across the spectrum of families, however, we find that success is different for each person. Some people will need guardianship or a group home, and that doesn’t represent failure on their part or their parents'.

Success for Mark will likely never involve driving or complete independence, but it might mean interacting with others when he wants or needs to do so.

Mark can now tell us when he is hurt, tired, sad, or angry, and he can advocate for himself in basic ways. I am ecstatic to see how far he has come, and I know that at each stage he has been where he needed to be.

Ali is a lawyer, a fiancee, and a dog mom. She keeps a pretty home. I could not be more proud of who she is and what she has accomplished.

Mark works an hour per week cleaning a church, has a couple friends, and walks our dog on the weekends. He lives away from our family home, at a supported living community, through the week and loves to vacuum his house. I could not be more proud of who he is and what he has accomplished.