Hi, Mark!

I’ve noticed lately that my son, who’s 23 and autistic, is saying “Hi, Mark!” a lot.

This has had me confused as well as depressed because this is reminiscent of an error that I hadn’t heard in a long time. 

When Mark was two and his words were returning, he parroted the words he had just heard. At that stage, I celebrated hearing his language. But years later his language is in a different place, and I was wondering why he was no longer mindful of the person in front of him, who was not also named Mark. 

“Mark, Mark!! What are you doing?” I asked. “What’s his name?”

“Luke.” My son immediately told me the correct one.

Just then, Mark’s staff intervened, “No! You’ve got it all wrong!” 

She said this to me.

“I do?” I asked, surprised. I’m used to being the one to translate Mark to others.

“Yes. Mark isn’t confused. He’s thinking — and he’s initiating a conversation. He really wants to be friendly and social.”

“Then why is he addressing Mark?” I added. 

“He wants friends to greet him, so he reaches for their hand, looks them in the eyes, and says ‘Hi, Mark!’ This means ‘I want you to say that to me,’” the staff said. “I think that’s wonderful.”

“Wow! So do I!” I told her.

Again, as Mark’s mom, I was humbled. Again, I was proud. 

And then I looked at my son, who’s growing and impressing me every single day, hoping for a conversation, even a tiny one.

And I said, enthusiastically, “Hi, Mark!”